...sometimes you need to let go of everything you're clinging to and start over, whether because you've outgrown it or because it's not working anymore, or because it was wrong for you in the first place.
There are times when things do not go as we would like them to due to various factors we have no control over. Most of the times however, it is our own thoughts and behavior patterns that interfere with our happiness and are holding us back.
If it feels like your life needs to go trough a process of transformation then here is a list of things you need to stop doing immediately.
1. Stop hanging out with the wrong crowd
It is said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. Do not let these people be negative ones, talkers instead of doers, people who do not see your worth or people who have the habit of putting you down.
Surround yourself with dreamers, with people who make you laugh, with those who force you to do better and become better.
2. Stop putting other people’s needs first
This does not mean you are being selfish or that you should not help others. It just means that you first need to honor your needs, be they physical, emotional, mental or spiritual needs.
This enables you to make the most of your life and ensures that will also take good care of others. You won’t be able to take good care of others if you don’t take good care of yourself first.
3. Stop thinking that you need to be perfect
Stop chasing perfection, because guess what?...You will never reach it.
It is ok to have high standards and to always demand more from yourself, but sometimes this need for perfection is actually the thing that’s holding you back when opportunity arises and taking action is required.
Going for the things you want does not mean you have to be 100 percent ready, because that will not happen, it simply means you are willing to step out of your comfort zone.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is almost always discouraging.
You might look at someone else’s life and think that theirs is way better than yours when in reality you do not really know or understand what is going on behind closed doors. Even if your life is better than someone else’s, what would be the point of comparing? Does it really matter? You are completely different from any other person anyway, you have your own road, your own goals, your own purpose.
Comparing yourself to others will easily make you lose focus when it comes to pursuing those goals so stop doing it.
Concentrate on balance and on making your life healthier and happier.
5. Stop procrastinating
You avoid feeling guilty for not doing the things you should be doing by procrastinating, by doing more pleasurable and less important things in place of less pleasurable and more important things. Sometimes it is even worse, you put things off or delay them when in reality you should give them immediate attention.
Making progress involves doing stuff that is not always pleasurable, otherwise everyone would be rich, happy, successful, fit, and so on.
So confront whatever it is that needs to be confronted in order to determine change in your life.
6. Stop being in love with the idea of being in love
There are situations when you find yourself in bad company or a dead end relationship and when you go back and connect the pieces of the puzzle you understand that it was all caused by your fear of being alone or due to you rushing things in your search for love.
Don’t jump into things too soon, instead wait for the right time and chose the right person for the right reason.
7. Stop looking for short term happiness
Short term happiness should be regarded as quick fixes to situations and feelings that have deeper roots, roots which usually lead to something not quite pleasant that will need to be confronted at one point.
For lack of a better comparison, I will say that it is like applying a patch on a cracked pipe. The patch will eventually rupture again and the pipe will fail completely sooner or later. So focus on attaining long terms happiness instead of short term happiness.
I’m not saying to avoid short term happiness, but just do it with moderation. After all, guilt-free, productive, proud pleasure is available. Rediscovering your own power, and realizing long-term goals is much more fun than casual sex, a cone of ice cream or a slice of pizza, right?
8. Stop clinging on to the past
The past is gone, there is nothing you can do about it except learn from it.„The past is like using your rear-view mirror in the car, it's good to glance back and see how far you've come, but if you stare too long you'll miss what's right in front of you.” - Unknown
9. Stop focusing on what could go wrong
Focus on the things that could go right in your life, not what can go wrong.
You want to gain energy and move forward not waste it by imagining scenarios which will most likely not even happen. Having a positivistic approach will greatly influence the outcome of whatever you are doing.
10. Stop thinking you are not worthy
Why would you want to create a huge roadblock on your own way? Sure there will always be some people who will be prettier or younger or smarter or taller or shorter or slimmer than you, and the list can go on and on. So what? Should this mean you are not worthy? Nobody is perfect, people are not supposed to be perfect, and this is the beauty of it all.
It is about diversity, uniqueness, about those special gifts that make you YOU.
11. Stop finding excuses for your unhappiness
Perhaps this should have been listed at the top because many of the things that were already mentioned here fall under this habit so to speak, the habit of faulty reasoning and destructive myths.
If you take a look at people who were able to make life changes you will notice that some of their attributes include clarity, confidence, courage and commitment.
They got passed the stages where questions like „What if I’m not ready to do this?” , „What if it doesn’t work out?” or „What would people say about me doing this?” popped into their mind. These and many others are excuses that prevent people from living happier and more fulfilling lives.
12. Stop holding grudges
I think this quote by Robert Brault says it really well: „Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” I know it is easier said than done, but think about it this way: by deciding to let go of a grudge, by deciding to forgive, you will show yourself love and respect.
It won’t mean that whatever happened to you was ok, it simply means you are smart enough to avoid carrying a poisonous burden.
13. Stop acting like you're gonna live forever
Life may have thought you already that some things need to be done at a certain time. You might live with the impression that you will always have time for certain things, but the reality is you might not.
Sure, in some cases you can get second chances, but would it be ok for you to risk it? Would it be ok to wait for tomorrow to tell your dear ones you love them, would it be ok to delay telling your crush how you feel about them? And this also applies to other areas of life. Lets say you enjoy playing a certain sport but you always find more important things to do in your free time.
Do you think you’ll still be able to practice whatever it is that you like at age 60 or 70? Avoid putting yourself in a position where you might regret something for not doing it when you had the chance.
14. Stop wasting energy by trying to make others see things your way
Accept that people are different.
Not everyone can see things the way you see them. Not everyone can understand the logic behind your actions or your ideas, and that’s ok. You need give people permission to have their own set of values and beliefs just as they have to do the same with you.
The more you will try to make people see things your way, the more resistant they will get.
15. Stop being ungrateful
We all have a tendency to take things for granted at some point and focus most of our attention on what is it that we don’t have or want to achieve. That’s why you need to take a moment each day and be thankful for the good that is already present in your life.
Something which maybe other people do not have. In my case I am grateful for being healthy.
16. Stop thinking you missed your chance
Life is a continuous lesson. In the case of missed opportunities, we all have three choices the next day. Accept that we had our chance and never try again, hope for a miracle or get busy about it and start over.
When were talking about a life makeover then getting proactive about it is certainly the way to go, wouldn’t you agree?„Winners are not those who never fail but those who never quit!” - Edwin Louis Cole
17. Stop being influenced by other people
Your way of thinking should be independent of what other people say or do if you want to enjoy life and succeed in whatever it is you want to achieve.
Do not mistake this with being ignorant, you should definitely listen to those who genuinely care about you and balance whatever they have to say with your own needs and aspirations.
This is about the other end of the spectrum, about situations where you care so much about what people think that you develop a fear of approval or disapproval.“Do not look for approval except for the consciousness of doing your best.” ~ Andrew Carnegie
18. Stop lying to yourself
As I have already mentioned, clarity, confidence, courage and commitment are usually attributes of people who attained a certain level of success in their lives.
If you are not honest with yourself then you won’t have clarity. Without clarity, confidence, courage and commitment might not really matter, because chances are, they will be focused in the wrong direction.
"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.” – Carl Jung
19. Stop doing the same things over and over and expect different results
“If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.” ― Thomas Jefferson
20. Stop avoiding the road less traveled
Do not be afraid of doing stuff that nobody else around you does just because it is uncommon or adventurous, especially if you fell a calling in a certain direction.
Different does not necessarily mean better, but it will surely prevent you from having regrets.
21. Stop competing with everyone else
Why would you compete against everyone else? There will always be people that do better than you just like there will always be people that don’t.
Does it matter? Everybody has a role in making us appreciate whatever it is that we have, and whatever it is we are good at and the idea is for us to become better than we used to be, because success is all about that, beating your own records and becoming the best version of yourself, not some mediocre version of someone else.
22. Stop behaving from only inside your comfort zone
"A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” – Unknown
Life is about learning, adapting, solving problems, finding solutions.
Life is not meant to be easy, especially if you want to achieve something extraordinary. If you are constantly trying to make it easy, it you are constantly searching for the easy way out then you will not evolve, and that would be a pity.
23. Stop worrying too much
According to studies, only around 8% of whatever we worry about actually happens.
Out of this 8%, 4% is related to stuff that is beyond our control, while the remaining 4% are worries we have some control or total control over the outcome.
What about the remaining 92%? Well this might shock you but the same statistics say that 40% of our worries are related to things that never happen, 30% are worries about what already happen, 12% are in direct connection with how we are perceived by others, and 10% are unimportant things such as what to wear, what to eat, worrying about being late and so on.
So in conclusion, is there any point in worrying?
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”- Dalai Lama XIV
24. Stop thinking that being miserable or unhappy is kind of normal from a certain point forward
Many of us consider childhood the happiest period of our lives. After we turn into adults and we start experiencing life’s duties and responsibilities along with its inevitable problems, we tend to allow a certain degree of unhappiness into our lives thinking that this is only normal, since we are adults now.
While it is normal for life to constanly throw challenges at us, it is not normal for you to accept unahppiness thinking that it just „comes with the package” once you have a certain age. Don't do it. It is within your purpose to seek happiness and it will become harder for you to find it once you start accepting it.
“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” - Marcel Pagnol
25. Stop acting like things are fine when they’re not
If conflicts and resentments are building up inside you then release them, cry if you need to.
Do not let them affect your nervous and cardiovascular systems. Forget about what others might think and honor your emotions. You do not always have to project this image that says everything is going well.
When you honor your emotions you are actually taking the first step toward recovery.
26. Stop thinking you need someone else to complete you
If you start with the idea that you are not complete then we’ve just identified some of the areas you need to work on. And these are acceptance and self love.
If you are not good at accepting your own flaws, if you are not able to love yourself the way you are, then chances are you won’t be able to fully accept and love somebody else either.
By finding your inner balance and understanding that you are already complete, you are actually preparing the stage for lasting and meaningful relationships to take place.
27. Stop your resistance to change
Everything around you is constantly changing, from nature, to your work environment, your social life, and so on. Your body changes, your ideals change, your definition of happiness sometimes changes.
Even though it is a normal reaction, usually generated by your need to protect yourself, you must understand that by resisting change you are actually preventing yourself from having, doing and being all that you can in life. Since we are talking about resistance, do not try to change your resistance to change.
It will generate more resistance. Instead try to acknowledge it, become aware of it, feel it, and accept it just for now.
Once you become fully aware of its presence and you accept it, it will be easier for you to see how pointless it is, it might even be enough to make it dissolve right away.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anaïs Nin
28. Stop ignoring the beauty of small moments
Many of us are guilty of waiting for "the big one”.
Some kind of extraordinary event that will transform everything and will set things in motion towards achieving everything we’ve ever dreamed of.
While awaiting we basically lose our understanding that life is about enjoying the simple things, the little moments, and also about creating joyful feelings from whatever we have at the moment.
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." - Robert Brault
29. Stop thinking that you shouldn’t talk about your feelings
By expressing your feelings, good or bad, you are giving the people who care about you a chance to get even closer to you, to help if that’s the case or to simply amplify your joy.
Talking about your feelings is the quickest way of making yourself understood and in contrast with what many might think, it is not a sign of weakness. It is actually part of you preserving good mental health in times when things might not go as smoothly as you would like in your life.
30. Stop thinking that everything you do has to succeed
This is the same as thinking that you need to be perfect. You do not need to be perfect. You do not have to succeed in everything you do. You just have to extract the right lessons from everything you do, maintain a positive attitude and keep trying. You will sooner or later succeed if you do so.