Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.
Every single time I´ve been in love, I´ve seen love´s light first;then its shadows, or should I say its darkness. I´ve been with Angels,that turned out to be Devils… Love has given life to me; but it also hasgiven trouble.
I am currently re-married, and I´ve been in and out of relationshipsall my life, since I was thirteen. I have been married for 6 years now. Ilove my wife, but sometimes I hate her. Love and hate goes hand inhand, and sometimes we mix them together. I´m sure she loves me, butsometimes she hates me too. We humans like to complicate simple things.Love should be simple… but usually we complicate it.
I´ve seen people being in love for various years, sometimes even 10years, then get married and divorce during the first year of marriage.My parents at the other hand, met and during that first month of meetinggot married, and have been married ever since, 38 years now. Do theyfight? Yes, every day… Do they love each other? Yes, always.
So what determines if people will continue to stay in-love? Well Iguess that I really don´t know… I´m re-married remember? So you probablyneed to take this info with a pinch of salt, and probably let go of itas soon as you read it.
According to Carl Jung, “Everyone carries a shadow…and the less it isembodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser itis.” The shadow is the unconscious. People don´t have a clue as to whatthey have in their shadow, in their unconscious.
People often say “I love you”, but do they really? What do they havein their shadow? Do they have the capacity to love… are they feelingtrue love?
I´ve seen love´s shadow… and these are its traps (I could be wrong,and although I am a psychotherapist, this is what I´ve seen in myself,and in different people.
1. We’re Both Popular
I remember when I was in Highschool, and the Senior´s most popular guy would usually date the most popular girl.
This would be a Love trap. Do they love each other, or are they infor it because they must be into it, just because they are the mostpopular couple? and everyone expects it… Are you with someone becausepeople expected you to be with them? If you are, you´re in a Love Trap.You might think that you love him/her, but do you really? What does yourheart says to you? Listen to your heart!
2. My Better Than Nothing
Sometimes people stay with each other because they fear being alone.When I was a teenager I feared being “alone”, I feared that I wasunlovable, or that I might be a creep, that no one would care to loveme. Sometimes we fear breaking up, even if we would need to, because wehave a “Better Than Nothing”…Being with him/her is better than nothing.
If you fear being alone, then you must be alone! Take a time to bealone, and get to know yourself. You must start by loving yourself,before you start a relationship with someone else. You need to be fullof love inside your heart, in order to give love to someone else. Ifnot, you will expect and need someone else´s love to feel loved. Thething is that you cannot have a healthy relationship, if you don´t havelove inside you. When you love, you need to give…and not take!
3. One nail drives out another
Sometimes we manage to break up, and get out of a negativerelationship. A few days later, and we meet someone else, or sometimesyou already have the future replacement. You could be starting a newrelationship because it is a rebound. Rebound love, affects a lot ofpeople. They get out of a relationship, and end having anotherrelationship. Sometimes this is done thinking that if you get someoneelse, and start a new relationship, that you will not think on thelatter. “One nail drives out another”, is a common saying. But does itreally?
4. Inertia love
This trap has to do with time. Maybe you have beenin a relationship for a few years now, and you don´t feel in-loveanymore. Will you stay in the relationship just because you haveinvested a lot of time into the relationship? People do stay inrelationships because of inertia. They have been in the relationship fora long time, and they might think that if they end it, they would loseeverything, or everything would lose its meaning.
Others, like my parents, have just met… They might be having troubleto acknowledge that they really might LOVE that person, and viceversa.That is a problem of too little time. Not enoughinertia force into the relationship. You might be thinking, “How can itbe possible to love someone that fast?!” Well it is possible… for LOVE; TIME, is not a constant in the equation.
5. My provider
This is a very popular Love trap. People stay with others because they are “good providers”.
While this is a good economic factor to think before marriage…Bothpeople in the relationship need to become providers, not just one. Also,this must not be the only factor making you stay in the relationship.
6. Attraction is love
I used to be confused about Love and Attraction. I would usually fallin love with the attractive girl. If the girl would be beautiful, thenmy love would be GREATER. This happens to a lot of people, not justmyself. What I learned is that you need to be attracted by your couple,but only attraction does not make up love. Love has other factors, andattraction is just the start.
Be wise on who you choose… Don´t choose only based on his/her looks. Look for the beautiful INSIDE, never just the outside.
7. Knight in Shining Armor love
I call this type of Trap, the Knight in Shining Armor love trap. Thistrap happens when you find a person (Damsel) in distress. It is anArchetype, you have it deep in your unconscious. It is a pattern thatmakes you be that person's Knight in Shining Armor, and save them from…Dragons, Alcoholism, Drugs, Anything you might save them for… or justhelp them and do their work, do their life easier. In therapy I usuallyhear phrases like "You'll see that I will change him/her when we get married…"
If you are living this trap, get out of it… You will never change someone else…They need to CHANGE themselves…they need to WANT to change in the first place, and change for them! Not for you.
8. Unrequited love
I think that Unrequited love is the biggest trap. I´ve been into itvarious times in my life. You think you truly love someone, and youdevote to them in mind and heart…but they don´t correspond to you in thesame way. This usually happens when you have the “Best friend” spot.Unrequited love is not corresponded love. You love them, but they don´tlove you back… that is really tuff. It hurts… If you are in UnrequitedLove, MOVE on… Life will find a way to help you find a love, and beloved by another person. For LOVE to work, there must be a two way LOVELINK, between you, and the other person. You love that person; and sheloves you back!
Source: Carlos Coto via LoveFairy